I realized after pursuing learning the language of music, of sounds and practicing guitar and then keyboard, that I love music. I adore it. But the time it will take me to truly become fluent, creative and competent in it at a professional level is time I would have had at age 12. I’m going to continue to learn guitar, and keyboard.

But.

But part of diving into music was to find a way to express what I got stuck in expressing as a painter. I started a painting of my daughter in her hospital bed, with her spirit leaving.

I wanted it to express the:

dismay

loss

bottomless grief

the divide between the time with her, and the grey shadowed time after

the strange sense of loss of time that came with her passing

…and all the other pieces of intricate grief and loss.

I couldn’t finish the painting. It has sat, for 12 years. Three of those years I tried to find a way to say it in music instead, and while that didn’t work, what it did do is free me up from what ever block hit. I now consider that painting finished.

I also get that I am at purpose and at skills a visual artist, a painter.

I also get that that is enough.

— spence

I started with a Fender Stratocaster HSH Player guitar. Sage green metallic, maple neck, black pickguard. I installed a set of Dunlop strap locks, tuned it, started playing.

Then I added a Fender 60D $200 acoustic to gain hand and finger strength, and returned it because even knowing the action was high and could be fixed, the intonation up and down the neck was so bad it was frankly unplayable.

On to Martin. I learned mostly on a D-10e, a beautiful working Martin guitar with those deep booming bass notes. But…

But it felt not right, yet. As I gained more experience in playing and more of a sense of what I was doing, I felt a flatness to the feel of the fretboard. Not bad, but just – flat. Silent. Not communicative. Not speaking to the notes fretted, just present to make sounds. I didn’t know what this was I was looking for. I took the guitar to a local luthier, who did an outstanding job of setup. Better.

I ordered a Taylor. I had heard, but not played one. But I had heard they were a player’s guitar, intended to speak to the musician and respond. Whatever that was.

I tried the guitar when it arrived and it was frankly a revelation. Fretting a note was a collaboration rather than an isolated act. The string felt right or wrong, but very clearly defined. Something about the tone released when not quite right on top of the string in quite the right place on the fret communicated back how to adjust, and I was able to feel the note in a way neither Martin nor Fender had managed. This, for me, was the perfect guitar to learn further on.

I found it made the Fender fretboard feel incomplete.

Not saying Martin or Fender are bad. Just saying they lack this sensitivity to touch.And I find this incredibly helpful in this stage of my journey. I think as an experienced and competent guitarist both of these would be useful tools to express myself in music. But they are not Taylors. And they lack that feel to them.

I bought a T5z, a Taylor electric.

I have a sound in my head, connected with an emotion I can conceptualize but not write out or express in visual. It is so clear to me.

My song (Zen Guitar).

And this T5z captures that sound, in the variety of tones it can produce. Kind of a blend of Wes Montgomery and Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon. Space and clarity and emotional resonance.

Plus, it has that exquisite neck and playability.

Best learning guitar ever. Taylor.

— spence

Taylor would be Mac.
Beautiful interface with lots of response to what you do, and a lot of information provided as to whether what you are doing is good or bad.

And, I think Windows would be Strats.
I’m thinking of the presets on modeling amps. “Here’s what you can say with this instrument.”
You can do more, but you have to reach behind the curtains…

— spence

A dark and rainy day and a closeup of a sprig of early flowers at the side of the house…

— spence

This guy was hanging out on the tree in front, trying to stay warm in 18 degree temps.

— spence

I found a flock (flock? huh – cote of doves, murder of crows, siege of cranes, and – a round of robins (of course)) – a round of robins, sitting in the sun and trying to stay warm in 5 degrees.

— spence

I love fisheye lenses. Watching the lens bend perspective around itself – it like a kaleidoscope of perspective distortions and serendipity.

— spence

This is the female of a pair of cardinals that live in a 12 foot arbor vitae hedge. These guys seem to drop vibrant plumage in the summer (or the color around them makes them seem less brilliant), but in the winter they are bright.

— spence

I set the lens and camera aside in a bag, ready for when the cardinal pair basked in the sun at the top of a 12 foot arbor vitae hedge.

— spence

The blur in the background is so unpredictable until you see this on a larger image – the back of the camera only tells a small piece of it. I took 100 photographs and by the time this was imported into Lightroom had culled down to 22.

— spence